(no subject)

[feedeslilas]

i am struggling™ so am doing another Good Things list to remind myself that my brain is a liar and the world isn't crashing and burning around me

• whatever my complaints (and they are many and varied) about my job and apartment and financial situation, the point remains that i have found a way to independently support myself in the [hamilton voice] greatest city in the world 
• this time last year i would have laughed in your face if you told me that i would find a way to make that happen, but i did and i shocked everybody (myself included) in the process 
• sophia is coming back from vacation tomorrow and not to sound codependent but i have missed her SO MUCH this week 
• office plant is thriving; always worthy of note
• i'm going to see adriana lecouvreur on nye and then la traviata later that week
• i'm going to wear my brand new gold evening dress to adriana and i will look stunning and i will NOT worry about my shoulders looking weird
• i have therapy next week thank god almighty 
• i have the means to afford mental health treatment; this is an enormous privilege and one that has not always been secure and i need to appreciate it more
• my new nightgown is very cozy
• my salt lamp casts a very cozy glow
• i have a glass of cheap abruzzi montepulciano that is very delicious
• when i look at where i was last year, i feel a bit sad— i had more friends, certainly, but i have replaced them with accomplishments and independence and that might be an okay trade-off
• smithens and tama are really wonderful so like! i also have new friends! friends who i've known for like 2 weeks but are incredibly kind and talented and funny and also care about the things i care about
• to summarize a conversation i had with sophia today: how wild that this one french book has brought me so much joy over the last five (!) years
• there are good people out there. if i don't see them, it doesn't mean they don't exist; i have to find them
• for dinner i made a burrito and i know i live off burritos but! they are consistently delicious
• i can find happiness in little sensory pleasures and i can squirrel away good things and one day i will build a more substantial foundation